Monday, September 11, 2006

How to be a Japan Apologist

The 100th Japan Apologist to read this article recieves the fabulous gift below!

by Kevin Burns

You`re asking hey, Kev, how do I become a Japan Apologist too? I really wanna know!

Well guys, adopt the attitude that you are guests in Japan and you are halfway there.

This is not your earth. The whole world is not your oyster. Even though you pay
taxes, and devote your sweat providing services for Japanese people, be it teaching

English, translation or other work, you are a guest here. Adopt this attitude
and you start to feel like you have no rights. Get the picture?

Yah I guess so.

Next, anytime anyone criticizes Japan, no matter how valid, you do your best to refute it. If you have no basis to refute it, the best strategy is to bring up
another country that is doing something or has done something naughty too.
The old try to distract them with new information bit.

Got it. Like someone says, "natto tastes like dog vomit." I say, now natto
is a nutritious snack and good for the whole family.

Yes indeedy, you are on your way to being a Japan apologist. Good.
Let`s say someone says, hey Japan doesn`t acknowledge her wartime history and attempts to whitewash it. You can`t ignore it.
You are a Japan Apologist afterall, you have to refute it. But you know you can`t because it is true. So what do you do?

You bring up China or another country that has done rotten things too?

That`s right! You talk about how China has invaded Tibet
and doesn`t even treat her own people very well. You lull the Japan attacker into a state of Sinobabble. This often works. Then the topic becomes China. Until someone calls you on it and says, hey, what about Japan man? If they bring up negatives about
Japan again, you start talking about how you love the cherry blossoms in the springtime, and isn`t Kittychan so cute. Things like that. It is tough to criticize
a cherry blossom or Kittychan. So this can stop them in their tracks.

Let`s say someone says, "Hey Kev, Japanese won`t let me rent an apartment man."
You say, maybe you stink.
Or would you rent an apartment to a guy who can`t speak English?

"But Kev my girlfriend speaks Japanese and she can speak for me."

But the landlord may not want the hastle.

"True Kev but it is racism."

No it isn`t racism or no more so than in Canada. Why do you always see
the negative? What about China man?

"But Kev the UN has declared Japan racist."

UN spew N, who the hell are they. Even George Bush thinks they are irrelevant.

I didn`t think Bush even knew who the UN was? But okay I`m getting it. Do your best to argue, then distract. Act like you don`t belong -- you are a guest. Japan is perfect. You are not. You have no right to criticize. I think I understand.

Congratulations, you are the 100th Japan Apologist. You get our fabulous prize
above, courtesy of Glory a Japanese company.

Thank you, this is a real honour.

The honour is mine.

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